I have dreamed......

...of you.

'Nuf Said....

Why the 4th?

Most people in the United States celebrate the 4th of July, but do you know exactly why the holiday is so important to our country? Imagine how you would feel if someone older than you (maybe an older sister or brother) kept telling you what to do all of the time and kept taking more and more of your allowance. That is how the colonists felt in the years leading up to 1776. Great Britain kept trying to make the colonists follow more rules and pay higher taxes. People started getting mad and began making plans to be able to make their own rules. They no longer wanted Great Britain to be able to tell them what to do, so they decided to tell Great Britain that they were becoming an independent country. (To be independent means to take care of yourself, making your own rules and providing for your own needs.)

The Congress met in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and they appointed a committee (a group of people working together to do a specific job) to write a formal document that would tell Great Britain that the Americans had decided to govern themselves. The committee asked Thomas Jefferson to write a draft (first try) of the document, so he worked for days, in absolute secret, until he had written a document that he thought said everything important that the committee had discussed. On June 28, 1776, the committee met to read Jefferson's "fair" copy (he put his best ideas together and wrote them neatly.) They revised (made some changes) the document and declared their independence on July 2, 1776. They officially adopted it (made it theirs) on July 4, 1776. That is why we call it "Independence Day." Congress ordered that all members must sign the Declaration of Independence and they all began signing the "official" copy on August 2, 1776. In January of the next year, Congress sent signed copies to all of the states.

The Declaration of Independence is more than just a piece of paper. It is a symbol of our country's independence and commitment to certain ideas. A symbol is something that stands for something else. Most people can look at a certain little "swoosh" and know that it stands for "Nike." Well, the signers of the Declaration of Independence wanted the citizens of the United States to have a document that spelled out what was important to our leaders and citizens. They wanted us to be able to look at the Declaration of Independence and immediately think of the goals we should always be working for, and about the people who have fought so hard to make these ideas possible. The people who signed the Declaration risked being hanged for treason by the leaders in Great Britain. They had to be very brave to sign something that would be considered a crime! So every time we look at the Declaration of Independence, we should think about all of the effort and ideas that went into the document, and about the courage it took for these people to stand up for what they knew was right -- independence!

Soulmates - - Do they exist?

One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When he opened it, he learned that his best friend had passed away... I recently heard this most inspiring story.

The story was about a boy and a girl who grew up together as best friends. As they grew into adulthood, they became preoccupied with their personal lives. Although, they knew that they lived just down the street from each other, they were too busy to seek out one another.

Every week they wanted to visit each other but thought to themselves, "Oh well, I am too busy today. We live close enough to each other to visit anytime. I will try tomorrow." It was not long before tomorrow turned into next week and then next month. Eventually a year had passed by.

Soon the distance between their homes began to appear more distant. The longer they waited to look for each other, the further the distance between their homes grew. This was followed by more excuses that did nothing but increase the gap between the two friends.

One day the male received a telegram informing him that his best friend passed away. As if he had gone into a shock, he asked himself, "What happened?"

He thought to himself, "If I knew I was going lose her without seeing her again, I would have taken the time to look for her. I wished I taken the time to tell her how much I loved her. Now she's gone, and I am now all alone."

Regardless what this individual thought or felt, his best friend had left the earth for good.

Do soul mates exist? And, are soul mates preordained?

There is a biblical verse that goes something like this. "Before I formed thee I knew thee and ordain thee to be..." What the verse tells us is that before you were born, your creator knew you. He knew your need for a mate and ordained you and another person to be soul mates.

The problem is too many people do not invest themselves 100% in recognizing their soul mate. They hold out, settling for unhealthy relationships until it is far too late.

Before a mother brings a child into this world the mother will know the child's need. She will ready a room with all the things the soon to be newborn will need. Likewise the supreme power that put you here on earth knew you would need a soul mate. One has been prepared just for you.

You can say "I will find my soul mate tomorrow. I am too busy today."

But, if you do, take time to remember the story at the beginning of this article. It was procrastination that prevented the two friends from finding each other until death separated them forever. Your soul mate is not going to be waiting for you forever!

I know how it feels to be in relationship other than that of soul mates. You have probably been hurt or disappointed so often, you don't trust anymore. I know all about the pain associated with break-ups. All of the pain, frustration and loneliness you may feel can be avoided if only you will not turn to excuses and justifications, but instead make the effort to look for your soul mate.

Yes, soul mates do exist. Adam and Eve were the first soul mates recorded in human history. When Adam was created, his creator said, it is not good for man to be alone. Thus a helpmate was created for Adam.

What is a helpmate, and why would a person need a helpmate if the person were able to make it alone?

This leads me to believe that in order for a man or woman to feel complete, they will need each other as helpmates. Adam and Eve were created for each other. I am using the word 'for' to show that soul mates belong to each other and nobody else.

For instance, when Eve ate the forbidden fruit that could have separated them, they sought out each other and did what ever it took so they could be together. An effort to remain together is clearly demonstrated between the two.

Are you too busy to find your soul mate? Do you allow fear of effort or failure to discourage you? I do understand how you feel. I have clients who feel the same as you do. I have also gone through the same experiences you have.

Here is what I tell people. When treasure hunters hear of buried treasures, they don't make excuses. They don't let fear of the possibility of being bitten by a poisonous snake or their ship sinking prevent them from going after the treasure. They find the exact map that will lead them to the treasure site. When they get there, they dive or dig for the treasure. When they find the treasure, they do their part to ensure that any piece of gold bar they find is real gold.

It will be nice if our soul mates can fall on our laps without any effort on our part. Unfortunately, life does not work like that does it?

How does it feel to go from one lousy relationship to the other, because you don't want to invest the time or effort to find your own soul mate?

I know how it feels to think you are madly in love. Then, a year or two later you find that it was all a big mistake.

So where do you turn for help. Where do you get that map to help you find your soul mate? When you do meet the person, how can you be certain it is the right person?

First, forgive and forget about the past and start fresh from today.

Human beings are created with the need to be with the opposite sex. Not just any opposite sex, but a specific man or woman whom they will feel complete with. Soul mates are pre-ordained.

Meeting a man or woman is relatively easy. Recognizing the person who is intended to be your soul mate is another thing.

Soul mate relationships have incredible soothing powers; they are heart warming and possess healing qualities.

The process of recognizing your mate is very real. You may be the only person keeping you from finding your special someone. Live today as if it is your last day. You will never know how successful you will be unless you try. My hope is that you don't allow procrastination, ego, pride, excuses and fear to prevent you from finding a rewarding relationship with your preordained soulmate.

Can you feel it?

Do I need to say more?

*sigh* That first kiss....

Your lips touch for the first time: The earth moves. The angels sing...or, at least, that's what you hope will happen, right? The reality is, anticipating that first smooch can be one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking moments in your dating life. So much hangs in the balance: Will your date like how you kiss? Will there be chemistry? Does this person even want to lock lips with you in the first place? And don't worry, there are plenty of ways to pull it off with ease, while letting your date know there's plenty more where that came from.

The most common question I get about first kisses is this: When should I do the deed? An understandable concern. No one wants to make the move too soon and get the dreaded cheek turn, and yet, wait too long and it sends the vibe you're not interested or that you lack confidence. So when should you dive in? Most women I've spoken to say it should happen on the first or second date...provided you don't wait until that very end when you're standing in their doorway. That's too predictable, awkward and likely to be framed by those "Umm, I had a really good time" comments. Instead, go for something sexier and more spontaneous. "A first kiss has to have something that's dynamic to it. Surprise me, catch me off guard. That's passion." And creativity, which earns bonus points, too. Women have told me about incredible kisses happening on the way into a restaurant (getting it out of the way early), across a dinner table, in a movie theater (during the opening credits), and just walking down the street, when the guy 'noticed' that there was a romantic full moon overhead.

Some people think that it's a guy's responsibility to initiate a first kiss. But what I've heard over and over again from men is this: They love, love, love it when a woman makes the first move. Guys love knowing that they're wanted, so I say, go ahead, girls, give him a break and go for it. One woman I interviewed did this with fabulous results. "After our third date, we stayed up talking until 4 am, and still no kiss!," she says. "So at the very beginning of our fourth date, I walked into his apartment, and instead of saying, `Hello,' I kissed him and we wound up making out for hours. Sometimes I wonder if I hadn't given him that first kiss if we'd even be together today. He assures me that he would have gotten around to it, but I am glad that I took charge. It gave me kind of a rush."

Sure, you want your first kiss to be passionate...but that doesn't mean rough or messy. As one woman put it, "The worst first kiss is an aggressive, overly wet kiss. If a guy plunges his tongue in my mouth and spreads saliva all around my mouth, I tell him that I have to be at work early in the morning to cut things short." Super-deep kissing communicates that you're overeager, which can convince someone to put on the breaks. Give the recipient some air, that way, they'll be raring for more. 'The one time I kissed a guy for the first time I made sure to pull away after a few seconds,' recalls one woman. "It was great, since it gave me a second to look into his eyes and silently ask, `Is this okay? You liking this?' before we dove back in. If we hadn't hit pause, I would never have known whether he was just kissing me to not be rude."

While a standard first kiss can be great, the men and women I've spoken with always remember - longingly - the ones that had an extra maneuver that heightened the romance factor. Usually, these are little moves that ramp up the kiss's sensuality. For instance, a friend of mine, recalls a great first kiss in which her guy "put his index finger gently on my chin to guide my mouth toward his - it was so sexy." And another friend, shares this moment: "My boyfriend first kissed me softly on my neck, worked his way up to my ear, and finally found my mouth - that pretty much blew me away." Guys also love this kind of thing: "One of my best-ever first kisses was when my date gently raked her nails through my hair; that get my nerve endings revved in an unexpected way." So feel free to add a little fillip like these.

So...that first kiss can be incredibly amazing. Just have to give it a shot. So....what are YOU waiting for?

This too shall pass....revisited...

My mom had a saying "this too shall pass" and everytime I heard it, I wondered where she got it from...now I know. The story is as follows:

King Solomon, the wisest man in the world, had a servant that was his favorite. Why? Because anything he asked him to do he did perfectly. But the other servants in the palace got very jealous. The wise king knew that the jealousy was very bad and he had to do something about it. So the king decided that he would give this servant a job that is impossible to do. The king thought that the servant will not succeed, he will put him down in front of all the other servants, it will make everybody equal and there will be no jealousy in the palace. So the king called the servant, one month before "Pesach holiday" and he made up a story. He told the servant that he heard about a special ring that when you wear it when you are sad you become happy and when you wear it when you are happy you become sad. The king said: "I want it. Can you get it?"

"Did I ever disappoint you? " said the servant; "of course I can get it"!

"Very well" said the king, "bring it to me in 'Pesach' evening."

"'Pesach'?" asked the servant " it is one month away, I can get it to you in couple days." "No, no" said the king, "bring it to me as a present from you, for 'Pesach' and give it to me at the "Seder" dinner."

"Yes, my king" said the servant. The servant took a group of people, divided them to four different groups and sent one to the North, one to the South, one to the East, and one to the West, telling them "go on the way, stop anyone you meet, and ask him about the ring. If he knows something or heard something or knows somebody who heard or knows something, come back to me, with the information. so we can take directions and get the ring for the king" After two-three days the first mission came back but "Nada" (of course, the king made up the story and there was no such ring). The second mission came back and again "Nothing", third mission, fourth mission and three weeks had passed and the servant got "zippo". He got so nervous. the "Seder" is one week away, and he must find the ring. He started searching for the ring on his own and started walking from place to place, from town to town, from village to village, door to door, house to house, didn't sleep, didn't eat, asked everyone he met and, nothing ("nada"). The night before the "Seder" he came back to Jerusalem but he was ashamed to come to the palace, everybody was talking about him and he was walking around the streets like "meshugi" (crazy). Eventually he found himself in the poorest neighborhood of the city and there in a small alley he saw a petit, tiny little shop with an old man inside, a jeweler. So he was thinking to himself "if I can't get the ring maybe this old man can make it. I have nothing to lose, I will give it a try." He went into the shop and said to the old man: "the king wants a ring that when you are wearing it when you are sad you become happy but when you are wearing it when you are happy you become sad."

"Can you make such a ring?" The old man thought for a second then he said: "sure it's a piece of cake" He took one of the rings he had on the table and engraved on it something in Hebrew. The servant was only a slave and he didn't know how to read, but he had nothing to lose so he took the ring. "Pesach" dinner. Everybody knows about the story and they want to see what will happen. Everybody is happy they are smiling, singing, telling jokes. The king at the head of the table with a big smile on his face. Except the servant, he is in the corner shaking praying, maybe the king forgot. But the king didn't forget he was waiting especially for that moment. Then the king pointed at him showing him to come over with his finger. Silence. Everybody got closer to listen and see what happens. The servant was terrified, he came to the king shaking his eyes on the ground, the king smiled and said: "did you get the ring?" The servant was so afraid he was whispering with a broken voice: "I hope so my king…"

"I can't hear you!" said the king.

"I hope so," said the servant louder.

"Hand it over," said the king. He gave him the ring with a shaking hand. The king took it with a big smile, he put the ring on read what was written on it. Then the face of the king turned over and he become sad. When the servant saw that the king was sad he realized that he got the right ring, and smiled. And on the ring there was a simple sentence in Hebrew "Gam Ze Ya-avor". Which means: "this too shall pass".

No shit, Sherlock!

He was a doctor without any patients. That’s how Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, born May 22nd in 1859 at Edinburgh Scotland, began to write. You see, while he was waiting for patients, of which there were hardly any, he was so bored that he started writing short stories. The stories earned him some, but not much money; then Dr. Doyle wrote his first novel centering around the character who became the world’s best-known detective, Sherlock Holmes.

It was 1887 and the novel was titled, A Study in Scarlet. Arthur Conan Doyle (he wasn’t a Sir, yet) was on his way to success. In fact, he eventually became one of the highest-paid short-story writers of the times.

Doyle’s tales of Sherlock Holmes solving crimes with his amazing ability to use reason and observation have delighted millions of readers for over one hundred years. Holmes appeared in 56 short stories and three more novels, The Sign of Four, The Hound of the Baskervilles and The Valley of Fear.

Critic Christopher Morley once said, “Perhaps no fiction character ever created has become so charmingly real to his readers (as Sherlock Holmes).”

Put that in your meerschaum and smoke it!

Indecisive? Waffling? Chameleon?

Are you indecisive? Do you waffle? Can you change your mind in any given situation, like a chameleon changes its colors? Or do you over think things? Analyze each situation you're in or relationship you may be about to embark on? You aren't alone.

Managing people means making decisions. Before one decides on a course of action, they must weigh the consequences of the direction they may take. To over think the possible outcome leading to so-called "analysis-paralysis"; on the other hand, split-second thinking is the affectionately called "gut decision."

A decision does not have to lead to immediate action. Often times the best decision is to just have a plan. A plan is a set of decisions mapped out in time well beyond the present. The distance that this plan covers forward in time is the difference between immediate (tactics) and long-term (strategic) thinking. A good leader has the skill to develop both types with their team.

Indecision is inaction, which can appear like thought, but often that is not the case. Indecision means the inability to reach a conclusion when many people are counting on you to validate their trust in your leadership. It is ok as a leader to hide your own process of internal analysis from your team as that is what defines you as "thoughtful" versus the much worse case of being "thoughtless."

To fluctuate between different decisions in a public situation is to be avoided at all costs. Thus is the phenomenon of "waffling" with all its negative connotations (so sad for waffles because as a food I love them so). People like/desire decisions -- even if they are imperfect -- which they often are. A good leader makes more good decisions than bad ones. For the really really bad decisions she might make, sometimes she tries to fix those that are fixable. But she is ready to accept the fate of a bad decision, and still move forward. Because her people depend on her to do so. She is never indecisive. She just decides.

I now decide to get back to work.

::sigh::

If you can't handle me at my worst

...you don't deserve me at my best.

Gam Ze Ya'avor

...this too shall pass.

When you have a bad day, it will pass. And when you have a good day, seize the moment, enjoy it, appreciate it. Because you should know, it wont last forever.

One of the neatest things.....

...I've seen so far.....congratulations you two!!!



It was so much fun watching George put all of this together, I had to add his comments to my blog:

"Sara and I just got engaged! I don’t even know where to start with this one. After months of planning, weeks of lies upon lies to my poor unsuspecting girlfriend (now fiancee), and countless hours of laser cutting foam core and hot glue gun finger burning, I can now spill the beans. Sara and I got engaged at the 40000 gallery, in Chicago’s West Loop district, Friday night at 7:19pm precisely. But rather than trying to explain all the whats, whos and whys, I’ll let you see the video that I made that tells our story."

Beauty? Bah!!

Poets rave about beauty. Brave men have started wars over beauty. Women the world over strive for it scholars devote their lives to deconstructing our impulse to obtain it. Ordinary mortals erect temples to beauty. In just about every way imaginable, the world honors physical beauty. But I hate beauty.

With smooth bodies and supple waists, some women are the very picture of youth and attractiveness. Not only are they exemplars of nature's design for detonating desire in men, but they stir yearnings for companionship that date back to ancestral mating dances. Still, beauty is driving me nuts!

It is scant solace that science is on my side. I seem to have a confirmed case of the contrast effect. It doesn't make me any happier knowing it's afflicting lots of others too.

I have long known about the contrast effect. It is a principle of perception whereby the differences between two things are exaggerated depending on the order in which those things are presented. If you lift a light object and then a heavy object, you will judge the second object heavier than if you had lifted it first or solo.

Psychologists Sara Gutierres, Ph.D., and Douglas Kenrick, Ph.D., both of Arizona State University, demonstrated that the contrast effect operates powerfully in the sphere of person-to-person attraction as well. In a series of studies over the past two decades, they have shown that, more than any of us might suspect, judgments of attractiveness (of ourselves and of others) depend on the situation in which we find ourselves. For example, a woman of average attractiveness seems a lot less attractive than she actually is if a viewer has first seen a highly attractive woman. If a man is talking to a beautiful female at a cocktail party and is then joined by a less attractive one, the second woman will seem relatively unattractive.

The contrast principle also works in reverse. A woman of average attractiveness will seem more attractive than she is if she enters a room of unattractive women. In other words, context counts.

In their very first set of studies, which have been expanded and refined over the years to determine the exact circumstances under which the findings apply and their effects on both men and women, Gutierres and Kenrick asked male college dormitory residents to rate the photo of a potential blind date. (The photos had been previously rated by other males to be of average attractiveness.) If the men were watching an episode of Charlie's Angels when shown the photo, the blind date was rated less desirable than she was by males watching a different show. The initial impressions of romantic partners—women who were actually available to them and likely to be interested in them—were so adversely affected that the men didn't even want to bother.

Since these studies, the researchers have found that the contrast effect influences not only our evaluations of strangers but also our views of our own mates. And it sways self-assessments of attractiveness too.

Most recently, Kenrick and Gutierres discovered that women who are surrounded by other attractive women, whether in the flesh, in films or in photographs, rate themselves as less satisfied with their attractiveness—and less desirable as a marriage partner. "If there are a large number of desirable members of one's own sex available, one may regard one's own market value as lower," the researchers reported in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

If you had to pick ground zero for the contrast effect, it would be Hollywood. To feed the film industry's voracious appetite for attractive faces, it lures especially beautiful women from around the world. And for those who don't arrive already at the pinnacle of perfection, whole industries exist here to render it attainable, to reshape faces and bodies to the prevailing standard of attractiveness.

There's an extraordinarily high concentration of gorgeous females in Los Angeles, and courtesy of the usually balmy weather and lifestyle, they tend to be highly visible—and not just locally. The film and television industries project their images all over the world, not to mention all the supporting media dealing with celebrities and gossip that help keep them professionally viable.

You might expect that to make me feel good, as we normally like being around attractive people. But my exposure to extreme beauty is ruining my capacity to love the ordinarily beautiful women of the real world, women who are more likely to meet my needs for deep connection and partnership of the soul.

The contrast effect doesn't apply just to strangers men have yet to meet who might be most suitable for them. In ongoing studies, Gutierres and Kenrick have found that it also affects men's feelings about their current partner. Viewing pictures of attractive women weakens their commitment to their mates. Men rate themselves as being less in love with their partner after looking at Playboy centerfolds than they did before seeing the pictures of beautiful women.

This finding is all the more surprising because getting someone aroused normally boosts their attraction to their partner. But seeing beautiful models wiped out whatever effect the men might have experienced from being sexually aroused.

The strange thing is, being bombarded with visions of beautiful women (or for women, socially powerful men) doesn't make us think our partners are less physically attractive. It doesn't change our perception of our partner. Instead, by some sleight of mind, it distorts our idea of the pool of possibilities.

These images make us think there's a huge field of alternatives. It changes our estimate of the number of people who are available to us as potential mates. In changing our sense of the possibilities, it prods us to believe we could always do better, keeping us continually unsatisfied.

"The perception of the comparison pool is changed," says Gutierres. "In this context our partner doesn't look so great." Adds Kenrick: "You think, 'Yes, my partner's fine—but why do I have to settle for fine when there are just so many great people out there?'" All you have to do is turn on the TV or look at the covers of magazines in the supermarket checkout line to be convinced there are any number of incredibly beautiful women available.

Kenrick puts it in evolutionary perspective. Like us, he says, our ancestors were probably designed to make some estimation of the possible pool of alternatives and some estimation of their own worth relative to the possibilities.

The catch is they just didn't see that many people, and certainly not many beautiful people. They lived in a little village of maybe 30. Even if you counted distant third cousins, our ancestors might have been exposed to a grand total of 500 people in their lifetime. And among those 500, some were old, some were young, but very few were very attractive.

Today anyone who turns on the TV or looks at a magazine can easily see 500 beautiful people in an hour, certainly in an evening. "My pool includes the people I see in my everyday life," explains Kenrick. "I don't consciously think that the people I see through movies, TV and magazines are artificial. Still, seeing Juliette Binoche all the time registers in my brain."

Our minds have not caught up. They haven't evolved to correct for MTV. "Our research suggests that our brains don't discount the women on the cover of Cosmo even when subjects know these women are models. Subjects judge an average attractive woman as less desirable as a date after just having seen models," Kenrick says.

Part of the problem is we're built to selectively remember the really beautiful. They stand out. "That's what you're drawn to," says Kenrick. "It feels good on the brain." And any stimulus that's vivid becomes readily available to memory, encouraging you to overestimate the true frequency of beautiful women out there.

So the women men count as possibilities are not real possibilities for most of them. That leads to a lot of guys sitting at home alone with their fantasies of unobtainable supermodels, stuck in a secret, sorry state that makes them unable to access real love for real women. Or, as Kenrick finds, a lot of guys on college campuses whining, "There are no attractive women to date." Under a constant barrage of media images of beautiful women, these guys have an expectation of attractiveness that is unusually high—and that makes the real people around them, in whom they might really be interested, seem lackluster, even if they are quite good-looking.

The idea that beauty could make so many men so miserable has acquired hard-nosed mathematical proof. In the world of abstract logic, marriage is looked on as a basic matching problem with statistical underpinnings in game theory. Logic says that everybody wants to do as well as they possibly can in selecting a life partner. And when people apply varied criteria for choosing a mate, everybody ends up with a partner with whom they are more or less satisfied. Not everybody gets his or her No. 1 choice, but everybody winds up reasonably content.

But the world has changed since mathematicians first tackled the matching of people with mates in the early 1960s. Films, television and magazines have not only given beauty a commanding presence in our lives but have also helped standardize our vision of attractiveness. Enter Guido Caldarelli, Ph.D., of the University of Rome, and Andrea Capocci, Ph.D., of the University of Fribourg in Switzerland. Once they introduced into their mating equations what they call the "Vogue factor"—a measure of the influence of beauty—they found that people become dissatisfied with their sexual partners.

"When the concept of 'most beautiful' people in the world tends to be the same for everyone, it becomes more and more difficult to make more people happy," say the researchers. The same few beautiful people top everyone's list of desired partners—clearly an impossibility—and no one comes close to being matched with any of their choices. So people become unhappy with their partner possibilities.

Alas, it's not simply a theoretical issue. Sociologist Satoshi Kanazawa, Ph.D., finds that real-life consequences of the contrast effect exist, such as divorce. The contrast effect not only undermines marriages; it then keeps men single—and miserable.

Kanazawa, assistant professor of sociology at Indiana University of Pennsylvania, wondered: "If men found themselves being less attracted to their mates after being exposed to eight or 16 pictures in a half-hour experiment, what would be the effect if that happened day in, day out, for 20 years?" It immediately occurred to him that high school and college teachers would be prime candidates for a study; they are constantly surrounded by young women in their reproductive prime. The only other occupation he could think of where the overwhelming majority of people men come in contact with are young women, was Hollywood movie directors, as well as producers and actors—a group not known for their stable marriages. But there was not an available body of data on them like there was on teachers, from a general population survey.

What Kanazawa found was summed up in the title of his report published last year in Evolution and Human Behavior: "Teaching May Be Hazardous to Your Marriage." Men are generally less likely to be currently divorced or separated than women, and overall teachers are particularly unlikely to be divorced or separated. But being a male teacher or professor wiped out that advantage. And not just any male teacher is at risk. Male kindergarten and grade school teachers were contentedly monogamous. "There appears to be something about male teachers who come in daily contact with teenaged women that increases the likelihood of being currently divorced or separated," Kanazawa says. He adds that these men remain unmarried because any adult women they might meet and date after their divorce would pale in comparison to the pretty young things constantly around them.

"Most real-life divorces happen because one or the other spouse is dissatisfied with their mate," says Kanazawa. "The contrast effect can explain why men might unconsciously become dissatisfied. They don't know why they suddenly find their middle-aged wives not appealing anymore; their exposure to young women might be a reason."

It would be blissfully easy to point a finger and claim that such infatuation with the young and the beautiful is the fault of the media and its barrage of nubile bodies. But it would also be incorrect. They're just giving us what we are naturally interested in.

All the evidence indicates that we are wired to respond to beauty. It's more than a matter of mere aesthetics; beauty is nature's shorthand for healthy and fertile, for reproductive capacity, a visible cue that a woman has the kind of prime partner potential that will bestow good genes on future generations. One of the prime elements of beauty, for example, is symmetry of body features. Research suggests that symmetrical people are physically and psychologically healthier than their less symmetrical counterparts.

If we're now all reeling from a surfeit of images of attractiveness, well, it's a lot like our dietary love affair with sugar. "We want it. We need it. And our ancestors didn't have enough of it," observes Kenrick. "They were more concerned with starving. As a result, we have very hypersensitive detectors for it. And modern technology packages it and sends us doses that are way too large for our health."

There are, of course, beautiful women all over the country. It is safe to say that, to one degree or another, we all live in the shadow of the Hollywood sign.

And you.....beauty? or Bah?

Two more!!

I don't need to say anything else...this says it all...

Friendship

Aristotle said:
"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

This statement is very true. How wise and profound he was. But have you really thought about it? Do you take friendships for granted?

Perhaps the one relation that has survived the trials and tribulations of time and has still remained unconditional is friendship. A unique blend of affection, loyalty, love, respect, trust and loads of fun is perhaps what describes the true meaning of friendship between two individuals. Similar interests, mutual respect and strong attachment with each other are what friends share between each other. These are just the general traits of a friendship. To experience what is friendship, one must have true friends, who are indeed rare treasure.

Different people have different definitions of friendship. For some, it is the trust in an individual that he / she won't hurt you. For others, it is unconditional love. There are some who feel that friendship is companionship. People form definitions based on the kind of experiences they have had. This is one relation that has been nurtured since times immemorial. There are famous stories about friends in mythologies of different religions all over the world. They say a person who has found a faithful friend has found a priceless treasure.

Psychologically speaking, friendship may be defined as "a dynamic, mutual relationship between two individuals. As children become friends, they negotiate boundaries within which both partners function". This helps them to function like healthy individuals in life as they learn to draw a line as and when needed in a relation. This greatly helps in the emotional development of an individual. However, any relation needs constant nurturing and development from all the people that are involved in one. Friendship cannot survive if one person makes all the effort to sustain it without any mutual recognition from others.

Since friendship starts the moment a child starts socializing, the kind of friends that the child chooses should be taken care of till the time he / she learns to differentiate between right and wrong. Wrong peers or lack of socializing can lead to severe psychological traumas and disorders, finally leading to social maladjustment. The correct peer group is essential for the development of the personality of a child. Both positive and negative experiences refine the personality of the individual. Thus it is essential that you find friends who are compatible with you on an emotional and psychological basis.

Anais Nin said:
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."

Open up your world....

Something....

..in the way he moves...he speaks and the way he makes me feel.

Listen to your heart.....always!

'Listen to your heart' ..because it is always right...ALWAYS!

If our eyes...

...are the windows to our soul...what are fantasies?

Fantasies...you know you have them...we all do...but why?

A fantasy is a situation imagined by an individual or group, which does not correspond with reality but expresses certain desires or aims of its creator. Fantasies typically involve situations which are impossible (such as the existence of magic powers) or highly unlikely. Fantasies can also be sexual in nature.

In the theory of psychoanalysis, fantasy is used to describe unconscious desires, fears, drives, etc. Sigmund Freud used the German word 'Phantasie', which could be translated as 'fantasy', but the meaning is clearly not the same as the everyday meaning and is usually printed as 'phantasy'. This should be strongly contrasted with delusion.

You can thank your mom for your sexual fantasies. (No, not in the Oedipal sense.) If our caregivers are too distant when we're young, we grow up with attachment insecurity, in the form of either avoidance (to avoid hurt) or anxiety, manifested as neediness. Attachment style affects what we're looking for, both from a relationship and from sex, and new research shows how our insecurities follow us into the world of our most bawdy thoughts.

Gurit Birnbaum, a psychologist at the Interdisciplinary Center, in Israel, found that people with attachment anxiety think about sex more - not surprising, considering they often use sex to get closer to others. And submission is a hot topic for them; it's nice to think you're so desirable that others can't resist overtaking you.

But when it comes sexual fantasies, men and women face their anxiety differently. Neediness leads women to daydream about unrestricted and emotionless sex (cheating, orgies, one-night stands). "I thought that the unconstrained world of fantasies would enable them to fulfill, at least virtually, their endless desire for undenied love," Birnbaum says. "But they seemed to choose the route that would least satisfy that need."

Meanwhile, anxious men dwell more on the romantic. Burdened by the social role of sexual initiator, they fantasize about investing in one committed partner rather than risking rejection from new ones.

What happens is your imagination may shed light on very real abandonment fears, Birnbaum says. "Tell me your fantasies and I will tell you what you want out of relationships and how to get your needs met."

Hmm...something to think about the next time YOU fantasize huh?

Happy Valentine's Day

'Nuf said.... 143

Candy Hearts

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Orchids

If nature ever showed her playfulness in the formation of plants, this is visible in the most striking way among the orchids. They take on the form of little birds, of lizards, of insects. They look like a man, a woman, sometimes like a clown who excites our laughter. They represent the image of a lazy tortoise, a melancholy toad, an agile, ever-chattering monkey. Nature has formed orchid flowers in such a way that, unless they make us laugh, they surely excite our greatest admiration.

~17th Century German Botanist

Happy New Year Everyone!

Do you make resolutions? Promises for a *new* year? Do you keep them?

Right around this time of year, many people start to dream up New Year's resolutions. It can be an incredible feeling to know you are about to start on a critical, invigorating and uplifting self-improvement project.

January 1st: "Wow... I am going to lose 20 pounds and keep the weight off this time! Awesome! I am going to tackle that do-it-yourself project with a smile that I have been putting off for so long — painting the garage and I might as well rework the yard landscaping while I'm at it! I'm going to cut my non-essential spending and put an extra $5,000 in savings this year!! I can't wait to learn a foreign language and travel to a country that speaks it!!! And this year I will be able to get it all done because I am finally going to get some work/life balance, and not spend so much of my time at the office!!! I AM FULL OF IDEAS AND ENERGY, AND IT FEELS GREAT!!!"

Fast-forward to February 9th: "Hmm... Valentine's Day is around the corner... I need to find a romantic, fine restaurant for dinner — there goes another $150. I think my dress feels a little tight from all the New Year's, playoffs and Superbowl parties, but one great French meal won't hurt, will it? After all, it's another special occasion. Now where did I put his Valentine's Day gift... I know it's around here somewhere. I'd better find it. I don't have time to get something else, with all the extra hours I have to spend at work this week. Maybe it's buried under all the painting supplies I bought last month. What was I thinking when I paid good money for this chartreuse paint, anyway? It's getting way too cluttered in here. I hope refinishing the floor from that can of spilled paint won't be too expensive. And I wish all this snow would go away so I could get to work on the yard! Actually, I've been too busy with these Portuguese books and tapes to really care. I still don't understand how to say 'All these tapes, books, paint and parties have made me broke' in Portuguese anyway. Uggghhhh! Pass me another snickerdoodle."

Does this happen to you? Well, this particular scenario may be a little far-fetched, but I'm sure you get the idea. Often we have the best intentions when making our resolutions (hey, there's a reason it rhymes with "destitution"), but end up failing or never starting because we haven't properly designed them. We think of the end result without focusing enough on the many steps it will take to get there. And, worst case scenario, not achieving your resolution can be worse than never having contemplated it in the first place because you ultimately feel like you have failed. So, is your New Year's resolution usually a friend or a foe?

Just as many people are dreaming up new resolutions, many others are wondering if it's worth the bother. The difference in success or failure most often lies in the design of the goal. Trying to improve yourself and your happiness is definitely worth spending a little time exploring. Here are three important tips to help you conquer your New Year's resolutions, and some questions to determine if you have created an achievable goal:

1. Clear your vision for success:
Do you have a clear vision of where you want to be after the resolution runs its course? What will that picture look like? Spend some time writing down or talking with someone about the benefits of achieving this resolution and the negative consequences if you don't. Consider whether this is a one-time plan or an on-going life-style change that you need to make.

2. Create a sound plan to carry out:
Do you have an understandable strategy on how you want to get there? It's important to know exactly what steps and time-bound actions to take as well as how you will know when you've accomplished the goal. This means knowing what measurable actions or effects you will track to see if it's working. Determine if you can see any obstacles that may show themselves. How will you handle these to make sure your plan won't derail?

3. Make sure you have accountability for your actions:
What is your support and accountability structure? When you typically initiate an action plan or goal, what keeps you motivated, challenged and engaged? People frequently start and stop goals or resolutions because they are easy to forget or ignore, or become too difficult or perhaps even boring. If you are someone that gets better results when working with others, use the buddy system. Work with a friend, family member or someone else that will help you with vision, planning and accountability. Some people find it very helpful to additionally work with a professionally trained life or business coach to ensure you have covered all your bases and have a plan that will not fail.

Whatever your New Year's resolutions might be, make sure you take the steps necessary to succeed. It will be well worth the effort you put in on the front end, and successfully accomplishing one resolution can give you the courage and inspiration to tackle other parts of your life. No matter what, you will learn from the journey and be better for it in the end.

Enjoy your New Year's resolutions. Don't let them be foes.

Me? Ive got my list all ready....*sighs*..now where did I put it?