..in the way he moves...he speaks and the way he makes me feel.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
If our eyes...
...are the windows to our soul...what are fantasies?Fantasies...you know you have them...we all do...but why?
A fantasy is a situation imagined by an individual or group, which does not correspond with reality but expresses certain desires or aims of its creator. Fantasies typically involve situations which are impossible (such as the existence of magic powers) or highly unlikely. Fantasies can also be sexual in nature.
In the theory of psychoanalysis, fantasy is used to describe unconscious desires, fears, drives, etc. Sigmund Freud used the German word 'Phantasie', which could be translated as 'fantasy', but the meaning is clearly not the same as the everyday meaning and is usually printed as 'phantasy'. This should be strongly contrasted with delusion.
You can thank your mom for your sexual fantasies. (No, not in the Oedipal sense.) If our caregivers are too distant when we're young, we grow up with attachment insecurity, in the form of either avoidance (to avoid hurt) or anxiety, manifested as neediness. Attachment style affects what we're looking for, both from a relationship and from sex, and new research shows how our insecurities follow us into the world of our most bawdy thoughts.
Gurit Birnbaum, a psychologist at the Interdisciplinary Center, in Israel, found that people with attachment anxiety think about sex more - not surprising, considering they often use sex to get closer to others. And submission is a hot topic for them; it's nice to think you're so desirable that others can't resist overtaking you.
But when it comes sexual fantasies, men and women face their anxiety differently. Neediness leads women to daydream about unrestricted and emotionless sex (cheating, orgies, one-night stands). "I thought that the unconstrained world of fantasies would enable them to fulfill, at least virtually, their endless desire for undenied love," Birnbaum says. "But they seemed to choose the route that would least satisfy that need."
Meanwhile, anxious men dwell more on the romantic. Burdened by the social role of sexual initiator, they fantasize about investing in one committed partner rather than risking rejection from new ones.
What happens is your imagination may shed light on very real abandonment fears, Birnbaum says. "Tell me your fantasies and I will tell you what you want out of relationships and how to get your needs met."
Hmm...something to think about the next time YOU fantasize huh?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
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