Ok all, grab your favorite beverage and sit in a comfortable seat, this is a LONG one - -
Ours is a different type of story. I was married before and lost our first child and then gave birth to 2 healthy newborns. They are and will always be the most important thing I have ever done with my life. Please don't misunderstand me, I am not diminishing our youngest children's lives. They are incredible gifts - - something I sometimes wonder if I even deserve.Here is their story:
My husband and I were married in a small, intimate ceremony with my oldest son serving as best man (at the tender age of 9) and my oldest daughter serving as my maid of honor (she was 8). When the kids placed their portions of our wedding rings on our fingers, there wasn't a dry eye in the house - - not even mine! We were and are still very happy.
We always talked about having children and never dreamed we wouldn't be able to conceive a child. About 3 months after we were married, I developed a severe case of heartburn. After months of whining about how many Tums I was eating and people yelling at me to go to the doctor, I made an appointment. I figured, while I was there, I would ask the doctor to schedule a reversal of the tubal ligation I had many years before. It had been a year since I had my "yearly exam" so I figured I would get it all over with and then discuss the surgery. During the visit, the doctor's reply was "first things first," never dreaming the outcome.
During the exam, she "hmmm"d and "oooh"d and then sasid she would be sending me for an ultrasound and taking a blood test. I shrugged and sasid "ok." During the ultrasound, the technician kept asking me if she was hurting me - - uh NO. I wasn't in pain at all!
A few days after the ultrasound, my doctor called me at 9 pm (LATE!) to tell me that she wanted to send me to a specialist. The blood test, which turned out to be a CA125 (the test for ovarian cancer), came back extremely high. She also said that there was a mass on my right ovary. SHE made the appointment for the next day - not leaving me any choice in the matter.
I went to the doctor per my other doctor's instructions and he repeated all these tests and when those results were in, he sat me down and told me what he thought was going on. Ovarian cancer! I was shocked! I never miss a yearly exam! How could this be! Oh my goodness! What was I going to tell my husband of just a few months? And what about my kids?! I didn't want my ex husband raising them - no way - after all, I have sole custody for a reason!
So I came home and talked to my husband. He was wonderful! He hugged me and told me that everything would be ok! And that things would work out! We called the doctor back that day and scheduled surgery. This was in October. However, the first available operating room wasn't until January!! I had to live with this THING in my body for months until he could get me in. During that time, the mass was growing and growing. Also during that time, I was praying - - making deals with G-d - - can you imagine!? I would have given anything for Him to help me through this! And He did!
January 3rd was my scheduled surgery. During the months prior, the doctor and I discussed that he would go in, remove not only the affected area, but everything else! And he did! I had a complete hysterectomy.
Two weeks after surgery when we got the final results, the doctor indeed made a wise choice. The first ovary was in Stage 1A of ovarian cancer. The second ovary had a small mass forming. Everything else was clean. There was nothing else affected - - not a gland, not a peice of tissue! That was incredible news! I had oral chemo for six months and then nothing.
During my recovery, my husband and I sat down and discussed how we wanted to build our family. Yes, we had 2 beautiful children who my husband loved as if he had fathered them, but we had dreamed of having at least one child together. We both answered at the same time - - ADOPTION! So I sat down at my computer and researched agencies and procedures, etc.
The first agency told us that 1) my husband was too old to adopt (he had just turned 35), 2) I had 2 children already and most potential birth moms did not want families with children to adopt their babies and 3) why would I want MORE children? SHEESH! So that agency was OUT.
We agonized for months before deciding to go to introductory meetings with other agencies. Because I am Jewish and my husband is Catholic, we had to really weed out the agencies. Some agencies wouldn't even TALK to us because I was Jewish. One agency even had the audacity to tell me that if they accepted a Jew, they would be "lowering their standards." We finally decided on Catholic Charities - yes, you read that correctly!
From that first phone call, they were wam and welcoming! We went to the first introductory meeting and we fell instantly in love with the worker. We started our adoption classes a month later! They even switched things around to get us into a Monday class since that was my husband's ONLY day off during the week. He works nights and didn't want to take 9 weeks off of work.
During our classes, we changed our minds about adoption. Not that we didn't WANT to adopt - it was the WAY we wanted to adopt. Yes, we wanted a newborn - but knew that it may not happen. So we decided to do the foster/adopt program. On August 5th, our homestudy was complete, our classes were finished and we became a licensed home.
From August until October, I was on adoption websites constantly looking for "OUR" child. Then we got a phone call - it was from a worker in Colorado about a little boy they wanted to place. She had called our worker about a different family and our worker said that WE were the better match. We were thrilled! She sent us pictures, a short bio of the little boy and the foster family's phone number.
From October through January, we had emailed, called and talked to this little boy - whose name was the same as our youngest child's. On my husband's 40th birthday, this little boy (who did NOT know we wanted to adopt him) sent him a digital picture of himself wishing my husband a happy birthday! During this time, I had asked for records, official reports, etc and had been given the reply of "when the ICPC goes through. OK!
January 17th, the worker from Colorado came to visit. Along with her came the official reports on the little boy. Eight hours later, after reading detailed reports on him, we backed out of the placement. In those reports was information of a boy with major issues. Issues we had specifically asked about and were told DIDN'T exist - issues we said numerous times, we couldn't handle.
I was devastated. Three days later - on January 20th - we told the worker from Colorado that we couldn't go forward with the adoption. During that entire time, I had been getting this boy's room in order. We got a new bed, dressers, toys, painted walls, put in new bedding - everything to have him come home with us before his 5th birthday. All this for a child we were never going to have!
Then exactly 7 days later, I was sitting at my desk reading email from a friend. In this email was an adoption situation. Identical twin girls in New York who wanted a Jewish family! That was US! I immediately called the number. The woman on the other end of the line told us to fax her our homestudy immediately. She would present it to the birth mom. We did! She chose US! We were to fly to New York that next weekend and pick up our daughters! I called our adoption worker and left a message for her about this situation. An hour later, when the phone rang, it was our adoption worker.
I had assumed it was to tell us that she had faxed New York the additional information that they needed. It was HER, but it wasn't about the girls - it was THE phone call. It's a good thing I was sitting down. She said that she had an infant for us. BUT - - she had two brothers with her. The baby was local and was going to be released from the hospital that day! And we had 10 minutes to make up our minds. I asked for more information and put her on hold and called my husband.
We discussed the situation, which would mean a very large life change for all of us. But he asked me what my gut said. It said YES! So he told me to with my gut.
I got back on the phone with our worker and told her that we would accept placement. She said that there was a catch though - it would be a LONG foster placement with an eventual adoption. My gut STILL said "go for it!"
This was at 11 am - by 6 pm, we had 2 cribs set up and I was pacing the foyer floor waiting for our worker to arrive. At 6:30 pm, a car pulled into the driveway. It was HER! I ran outside to help and saw 6 sets of eyes peering at me from inside the car. I met the oldest boy first. He was smiling and laughing and just being THREE! Then I met the youngest boy - then 15 months old. His eyes were vacant and he held NO expression on his face. My heart just broke for him.
Then I saw this tiny thing in an incredibly large car seat - she was SO tiny. I went to go pick her up and our worker playfully slapped my hand away. She said that after all this time, it was her privilege to hand me the baby herself.
She picked up the infant whose name was the same as the boy who we had planned on adopting just a few days prior - how's that for b'shert? - and placed her in my arms. I swear I wanted to cry! Why I didn't, I will never know. Our daughter was placed in my arms at 6:40 pm on January 27, 2003, just 7 SHORT days after she was born.
I don't think any of us got any sleep that night. All we could do was hold the kids and let them know that they were safe. We made them a promise then - that we would always keep them safe.
After a very long road - of many ups and downs - the decision was made. The State had decided that the best thing for the kids would be for them to change the goal of returning the kids to their birth family to one of adoption.
Our worker called us a month later and told us that the birth mother wanted to meet with us. We agreed. We met with her a week later and when we entered the room, we didn't know what to expect. We had met her before and it had not been pleasant. She was under the impression that we disliked her - which wasn't true. We had only disliked the situation she was in - not her as a person.
During the meeting, she told us that she wanted us, specifically, to adopt the kids. She explained her reasons why and we thanked her for her confidence in us. She brought with her pictures of the kids when they were small (the boys, that is) and some pictures of them during their weekly visits. She even brought us a picture of herself as a small child.
At the end of the meeting, we all hugged and we assured her that we would make sure the kids knew where they came from and that I would keep in touch with them with updates and pictures of the kids as they grew to adulthood. To date, I have kept that promise - and I always will. It is important for children to know where they came from and WHO they came from. After all, its what makes them WHO they are.
In December of 2004 we all went to court and the birth parents signed documents releasing their parents rights over to us. My heart truly broke for them as I knew this was a decision not easily made - by anyone.
Due to the slowness of our court system, the final adoption papers couldnt be signed until August 29, 2005 - the day we call Adoption Day! The kids are officially adopted.
